Making Sense of Life

Can you have authentic happiness without love?

In the last year, I have realized that authentic and genuine love, is the only thing that matters. I am and have been guilty of getting caught up with the noise around me; how I should be for this person, compromising the person that I am, what I can do for this person, what this person needs of me, and etc. Then I finally stopped and asked myself the question “What truly matters?”. I realized that "Real Love" is what matters and I also realized what real love means. And real love includes: receiving love, giving love, and recognizing love. And most of all, how love includes our love for ourself and what we do need.

In one of my conversations a couple of days ago, Thor (alias name referred in this blog) said to me “Happiness is the only thing that matters”. So, I thought to myself, you cannot achieve “authentic” happiness without love. Does he even understand what real love is? Does he even recognize it when it is in front of him? Does he even know how to give love? Does he even know how to receive it?

Achieving “happiness” differs for every person and also has different degrees. Being filthy rich, being a mother or father, having a family, losing that weight, having the dream job, having that car or specific material items, being married, attention, fame, being popular, being the #1 athlete, and the list goes on.  We say…“If I can only have…, I will be happy”.  We receive the temporary happiness but do not last very long. Haven’t you met people that are just not happy people in general? Or individuals that most people stay away from; if they could help it?

For some reason it is hard for me to believe that a person can truly obtain real lasting happiness without love. I also think that we don’t understand the magnitude or meaning of the word, how to receive love, recognize love, or give love.

Love is attached to every form; let it be with your relationship with friends, family, spouse, significant other, your neighbor, the community, in-laws, your work, your customers, colleagues, bosses, and strangers. Love is attached to your genuine dreams and passion. Love is attached to the desire of becoming your best self. Love is attached to loving yourself; the person you want to be and the person you want to stand for. We often hear love is GOD. And if GOD is everywhere and in everything; which means it is also in you. But we often look for love outside of ourselves.Or we forget or overcompromise our love for ourself.

One of my favorite passages in the Bible is the passage in Corinthians. Because it exemplifies what real love means.We mostly hear this passage in weddings or affiliated with romantic love. But this passage represents how we should love ourselves and others; not just romantically. It says:

 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”

Some of us may struggle with giving love, some with recognizing love, and some with receiving love. In that passage: Rejoices with the "truth" stands out to me. I strongly believe that we are meant to be happy and to strive for our heartfelt goals and genuine dreams. But I also think that in order for it to be realized, we have to be authentic, so truth can emerge. Truth is love. Love is genuine happiness. We struggle from benefiting from genuine happiness if we have not looked deeply at ourselves and past. Our past shapes the present situations and defines the future. History repeats itself.

We fuel our denial to keep the truth from illuminating. We find plenty of things, excuses and blaming others; until it destroys you in the unrighteous life you live, the effects on your children, friends, spouses, and family; and empty meaningless life. We would find anything that distracts our mind and soul from turning inward. The lies we convince ourselves is far more damaging than the lies you tell others. I am sure that you have met people or know people that are not authentic and blame everything on the other person or circumstance. My friend once said “That is a sign of a person who is not authentic and in denial”. Denial of reality; let it be past or the present. Denial is hell.

Truth is scary and frightening. The reality of seeing ourselves authentically is frightening and hurts to look at the most. But it also heals only to the extent that we do look. Truth is uncomfortable and demands us and knocks us down from our stubbornness, procrastination, and complacency. The irony is, I have seen denial from Christians that verbally “declare” they are superior, holy, and more righteous than non Christians. Does that come from love? Or being judgmental? These are the Christians that give good Christians a bad name. Nobody is exempt from doing the work. Because truth forces us to move; to say or do what we need to do to achieve our best self and hearts desire. Truth forces us to face our fears and stand up for the real "truth" and principles. Truth forces you to be true to who you really are. Truth forces you to be the best you can be in everything you are and do. Denial separates you from the person you are meant to be; your best self; which is the same as separating you from GOD. When you are separated and deny the truth and GOD, how can you achieve authentic happiness when we don't even know what real love is.

Please post below your thoughts, comments, feedback to the topic; it is welcomed and valuable.

Zensitive

Where does our beliefs of who we are come from?

Who are we really?

 And where does it come from? And why do we believe the things that are said about who we are that is not the "truth"? And why do we continue to say who someone is that is also not the truth?

Growing up as a child I can remember all the things my mom would say who I am that is not true. Things like I am not as smart as one of my sisters or I am not as pretty. How often do you say things like that to someone or about someone?  As a child, I did not get that. But as an adult, I realize that it has no truth to it because our intelligence and expertise and strengths varies and truly is not apple to apple. I also realized that perception of beauty differs for every person as well and that I also had no problems with the boys growing up. But can you imagine if something like that was told to someone and they believed it?

I see and hear these type of destructive behavior with other parents, teachers, friends, and even strangers. Judgmental words  that are not true nor constructive. They are destructive beliefs that can become a self limiting belief that a person adopts. When a person hears something so negative and destructive about who they are and what they are not, people can  start believing that this is true and become victims in their life without even realizing it. They also disregard that they always have a choice in the matter or situation; but they don't see it because the self limiting belief has completely blinded them.

I volunteered for years at Big Brother and Big Sister Program and I remember kids would tell me what their parents, family members, friends, and teachers would say to them about them that is negative and destructive. And they would ask me if that is true about them. But when they shared this with me, they were so convinced that it is true. I was amazed that most of the kids had the issues. The fact that they are in the program said a lot. Typically, kids that are in the program are considered "at risk" kids. Meaning, they are acting up or behaving badly to the point that it is out of control in the parents perspective. So they decide to bring them to the program to help them because they cannot do it.  Most of the kids were not extremely problematic actually. There were some that was truly destructive. But what we discovered was that most of the destructive thoughts and behaviors came from the home; things that was said to them about them, destroying their esteem and confidence, competitiveness, lack of real talks, lack of disciplining, and lack of true quality time. And watching TV together is not quality time. Things they learned and adopted from their parents and their environment but majority of the parents were in denial that they played a part in that.

 I hear parents say, "your a girl, girls don't do that type of work/job", "we are a poor family and we go to work at an early age and school is the last of our priority", "you are just like your father, lazy and bad tempered".  How many times have you heard similar statements in your life? Probably a lot.

How does this affect a child? A child that will become an adult; our next generation of people that may become future leaders, managers, teachers, parents, friends, and etc.  I don't know one person including myself that spends their adult life fixing their childhood pain, changing the negative pattern, and learning the hard way the ways they have learned that is no longer working for them anymore. Often times, triggered through chaos, heartache, catastrophe, or hitting rock bottom. But then there are people, that still spends their adult life with their blinders on and cannot see their own blind spots. And still cannot see their choice in everything; including the NOW. We have a choice in how we react, interpret, and how something will form us or become a part of us. We have a choice in the type of person we want to be, life we want to live, and what we want to stand for.

It has been scientifically proven that we are not our environment. It is our choice in what we believe we can and cannot do. We only inherit so many things from our parents; ie our color hair, body shape, eyes, etc. But our talents, skills, personality, IQ, emotional inteligence, wisdom, strength, courage, capacity, and how we will become has nothing to do with our DNA. But has everything to do with our own biology of our beliefs.

Biblically, you read the word "I am" in reference to God. I find that to be so fascinating and interesting. Does that mean I am who I say I am? Meaning, if you say "I am bad", then your belief system believes that also; therefore, your actions, choices, and words will follow. We are what we say we are.

If that is the case, then why can't we just create environment for our kids and our loved ones that is non judgmental, supportive, non competitive, and loving. And to believe in each other and the good that is in all of us. But we continue to project our own issues and damages to others without even realizing the ripple effect.

Please post your thoughts, comments, and responses below. Your feedback to the topic is valuable.

Zensitive